So today got off to a pretty bad start, but I am happy to say that it has gotten increasingly better and will hit it's greatest point when I get off work, go grocery shopping and then go straight to bed when I get home, cause I'm just that good.
Okay, so I wake up this morning at six thirty because I have to be to Best Buy by seven. Nevermind that it's like ten minutes away from my house and so I really only have twenty minutes to get ready but I'm getting ready and I go to put on my pants... and I can't find them. Well I look around for a little while and finally I find them in my bedroom floor all bunched up in a ball. So I'm like uber upset because damn it, I have to work in like five minutes. So I pick them up and make a comment to Justin, who I happen to be sharing the bathroom with, that my pants are wrinkled so he laughed at me. I had no choice but to go off on him. There wouldn't have been any appropriate response except for to stand there and shut the f*ck up, but of course, he didn't. So here I am, and it's four hours later, and I'm still angry at the way that he acted towards me. I didn't think I deserved it and I know I didn't appreciate it and it was definitely not respectful... so yeah, that's my take on the situation. So I get to work five minutes late and read the note that the shift leader wrote last night which said, Emily - There's a whole lot in the back. So PLEASE get as much out as you possibly can. I read this, and I'm like son of a bitch. No one else is tasking and so it's gonna look like I didn't really do a lot when they get here today since I'm all by myself. But I managed to get a cart out before chalk talk, and Steve said that was pretty good. He also told me again today because I guess positive reinforcement helps to get the job done that Dario was keeping Tina, Beef and I after the holiday season which is great. So ok, to further what I'm actually upset about because of course the sound of frustration in the title isn't just there for no reason, so here it is...
Okay, Justin says that he's changed a lot since we started . I do recognize some of the changes. He got rid of his and s, put his Maxim's on the top shelf of the closet in the hallway, stopped drinking SO much (maybe because we can hardly afford it anymore, maybe somehow but i'd be shocked if it actually was because of me), stopped checking out s (or at least stopped to my face), stopped caring about what I think (like i used to bitch about some stuff that I wasn't happy with, and he used to either sit me down and talk to me about it or he would just change it, but now he's like there is no discussion and I don't really give a what you think), he's started discussing his farts and other bodily functions with me, he's started eating fast food AND... he's started calling me into the bathroom when he's taking a crap. But, what he hasn't done is really honestly made a wholehearted change except for making the decision to finally love someone who loves him back. I guess the thing that I have to say is that you're judged by your actions and the company that you keep. If you walk around with a nun and a Bible all day, then people are going to guess that you're a pretty good person, if you watch people will probably associate that with you being somewhat addicted to , and if you walk around with a gun aimed at people's heads, then you're probably not a very good person, or you might just think that you have a lot of power over people. However, if you watch a movie with in it, hang out with guys that other s while they have a friend a child, listen to songs about how it couldn't possibly be your fault that you like to stare at s even though you have a friend, then that's horrible. And well I guess what I need to say is that this all relates to Justin in very real ways. He does all of this stuff and it makes me angry that he thinks that it's ok to just do this.. that he can just be like well, emily, i'm a guy and this is what guys do. I just don't get it and I don't think that it's ok. It's like there are s in this world that don't go shopping and that like football and all kinds of stuff like that. There's guys in this world that don't watch or check out s just to be respectful to their friends. There are people that really are exactly as they appear to be.
But ok, as I was talking to Justin about the problem that I have with him and realize that I'm just wasting my breath and emotions on things that will never ever change because he's stubborn and quite frankly doesn't care if I stay or go at this point. (Or maybe he does, he sends really mixed emotions, like I come home at night and he's like I love you honey and he wants to cuddle and do things, and then we fight and he's like I don't care if you leave and never come back and so it's just kind of upsetting and I don't really know what to think because he says these things) BUT, he also said in the very beginning of our relationship something that should have threw up flags the second I heard it but I kind of thought it was cute back then. He said, "I'm just an average guy who thinks the world of you." And well, if you think about it, that's cute. But there are a lot of average guys that think the world of me. And those are the guys that I don't even give a second glance to. Cause I don't give second glances to average people. Average never got people anywhere. And it's definitely not going to get anyone anywhere with me. I don't deal well with average. And I guess I'm just angry with Justin because he has to tell me that he's average and then he has to actually act it out. And well average guy means that they cheat on their friends, they're jerks, they look at other s, they watch os, they call you bad names, they make you feel insecure, they do all kinds of things, and I don't do that very well. So I think he really needs to rise above average.